Professionalism Pillows

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

'I've tried to set an example for you, but you just don't have the right attitude, Carson.'

"What are we doing? I think the real question is, what are you trying to hide?"

"To help prevent people from hating lawyers so much, I always send a 'Thank You' card to everyone I sue."

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"No, Mr. Kurlander, I don't have, nor have I ever had, a recipe for cranberry muffins."

"I think it's time we established new guidelines for corporate behavior."

"If you're going to plead insanity I don't want you dressing like me."

"I don't care what job you want, Bagshaw, for God's sake dress for the job you have!"

"Jason Smith, civil engineer" "Simon Truscott, uncivil engineer"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Are you kidding me?"

If you disagree, just shake your head, not the other guy's.

Others will fight for you

"Simpson, your second evaluation is Tuesday. This time wear a suit with pants."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'