Professional Drinker T-Shirts

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Wine Lady

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

Happy Hour

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

You're the botanicals in my gin

"Drunk, yet orderly"

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"I do like a plant that can hold its drink"

'The King of what?'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

Man at work sees in lounge refrigerator, 'Creative Juices'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"Anybody who doesn't like our one-party system can go to Russia!"

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

Whiskey wars