Productivity Coach T-Shirts

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"Remember...At the last stroke of 25 minutes, the carriage turns back into a pomodoro."

To do list

Cost Time A = Edit your strategy Bored Tired

doing Impressive VS Easy

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

Time Is Money

Motivation to work

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"Our open-space office really stimulates information sharing when everyone removes their noise-cancelling headphones."

Workaholics Anonymous meeting: 'No one showed up. Everyone is working.'

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

"I think you're becoming a workaholic."

Working Environment

"Don't wait up for me. I'm going to have to put in an all-winter."

'He's still able to do the work of three committees.'

Productivity as a goal

'I start my day by making a list of everything I need to do . . . and who I can get to do it for me.'

'Here, here and here the copier was jammed...'

'This either means 'get busy', or I'm damned.'