Productivity Consultant T-Shirts

"I spent so much time shopping for productivity tools that I forgot to work."

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"Our open-space office really stimulates information sharing when everyone removes their noise-cancelling headphones."

Efficiency Expert: Back at 3:17:03

Department of Productivity: Caution - High Speed Revolving Door.

'It's hard to meet out time management guidelines now that all our clocks are on Bombay time.'

Motivation to work

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

Time Is Money

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

Danger Slow Sand.

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Worker ant's To Do list.

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

Dave realised that Clive didn't see problems,only 'challenges to be embraced'.

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

Here's a new Blackberry with a special silent alarm that vibrates and delivers a small electrical shock. We call it the Gooseberry.

Stress

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

Man looking at watch while a cuckoo comes out of his head

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'