Pro At Pulling Sickies Gifts

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

Gallery Pranks

An old man plays a prank on the grim reaper

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Thank you for not making faces during teleconferences with the boss.

Kick me

Egyptology Books form Pyramid

"He's never had a day off work through illness. He always stretches it to a week!"

"Would you mind filling this with confetti?"

GURLERS

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

A man gets a squirt of water to the face from a clown college diploma.

'Lion!'

April Fool painting

Another reason why a high school diploma is not enough.

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

'I think the meeting went reasonably well until he threatened to call security.'

Justice for a heckler.

'Have you heard of the Phrase,'Survival of the fittest'?' 'Uh-ho!'

'Silly Billy - who told you that you could eat a cake of soap?'

"You're the on who said we couldn't afford to send him to obedience classes!"

'Oooh, man! You really has me going with that fake shark fin!!'

Avoid, Liabilities, Assets.

'This milk smells funny.'

'And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?'