Private Moment Appreciator Gifts

Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

Crowded Ice Fishing

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

Sitting in a tree

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

Cyber Dream

Sitting in the dark and not talking for two hours - the cinema was one of their favourite dates yet.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"Are you blushing?!"

Windchimes

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

Speed Dating Disasters

"Say these things, don't think them!"

'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you agree with me?'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

How to injury yourself as an adult

"Now in the second law of thermodynamics..."

"Stop arguing - I'll walk myself."

"Any other weaknesses?"

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."

(Cursing symbols)! Did I have a piece of spinach stuck to my tusk the whole date?