Private Education Mugs

"This is my last day. My parents found a more expensive school on the East Side."

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Yummy Mummies

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'Get up and put your house slippers on! - You'll be late for home school!'

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

Private School Interview - 'How much do your parents weigh?'

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

"Rose wants to bring up the child on her own."

"Peter and I spent the summer re-wilding the children."

Kid to mom: 'How come I ask so many questions?'

"Today we practiced counting to five, and the teacher practiced counting to ten."

"Son, we didn't spend a fortune on your education so you can 'just be yourself.'"

Learjet

"Harris here is looking after children's accounts."

"I mistakenly stood in the doorway when kids sunday school released."

Mum and Dad had a hell of a job getting me into this school.

"...I'll sit here pretending to be interested but I'll actually be writing a shopping list and fantasising about my plumber!"

"The university is delighted with the endowment but is there any flexibility over calling it the 'who's the rich one now you toffee nosed bastards' wing?"

"How our teacher, under my surveillance, spent her summer vacation..."

"See Dick text. Text, Dick. Text."

'I'll take the case,' I said. Or did I? I fear I'm no longer able to differentiate between interior and exterior monologue.'

Crowded Schools

'I can't make it tonight. I have to attend my mother's lecture series on responsibility.'

'Mommy and Daddy have taken care of the high cost of private school tuition. The rest is up to you.'

'If you're rich enough to send me to a fancy, private college, why do I have to go?'

Home Schooling: "And this is what we call the 'washing machine'."

"We homeschool."

'I don't have to go to school. My mom teachers me.'

"And mid-morning we have a lovely break for milk and gingerbread cookies."

'It sure didn't pay to increase my vocabulary that time!'