Prison Life Satire T-Shirts

'Sometimes I think you get caught on purpose!'

'Sorry your back's bothering you. I'd offer you a massage, but it's a little outside my comfort zone.'

"They're suppositories. Well what other type of drugs do you expect me to smuggle in."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

Convict Decor

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

"Try and give me... happy."

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

'Sorry, but none of our entrees are available for takeout.'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

'The first time it was a fine. Second time, fine and probation. Third time...'

When Financial Planners Go To Prison.

'Why can't you play harmonica like all the other inmates?'

I'll tell you what I most miss...being able to garrote people...

Worst escape attempt ever.

'Just think of it as your time share condo.'

Dear Edward, here is the cake in the file that you wanted. Love, Sue.

'You've got to get me out of here... my cellmate just gave me flowers and candy.'

"Neato, keeno - bunk beds!"

Convict Ties

'This is the first time in five years we've managed to get the whole law firm together.'

HM Prison Vet

'I saw him first!'

'No need to come in... you can fax me your resume.'

'...until the doctor put me on this bread and butter diet nothing worked for me.'