Princess Wannabe T-Shirts

'What do you mean you don't believe I'm really a Princess?'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

Director/Action Man toy.

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Tom Cruise

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

Producer, Director, Egomaniac Chairs.

'Wait! Better give me the big one.'

King and Queen with real estate agent view castle for sale: 'My wife likes it, but she wants to know if you have the same thing in purple.'

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

'HA, HA! See the way arrows are deflected off my brand new breastplate?'

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

Pony Director

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

"I was assistant to Prince Andrew for six months, then I realised that, no matter how good I was, they were never going to make me Prince Andrew."

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

In-law country

"She won the spelling bee."

Miss America IQ pageant.

"I'm going to demonstrate how dogs are stealth ninjas in the dark. See how I move silently....."

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

'I'm waiting for the right introduction agency to come along.'

"Tell me sire. How long have you had these delusions of grandeur?"

'Don't they ever go down with their ruddy gondolas?'

Bazooka Jousting

"Hey, it worked for me. Just tell her you're a prince."