Princess Wannabe T-Shirts

'What do you mean you don't believe I'm really a Princess?'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

Director/Action Man toy.

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Tom Cruise

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

Producer, Director, Egomaniac Chairs.

'Wait! Better give me the big one.'

King and Queen with real estate agent view castle for sale: 'My wife likes it, but she wants to know if you have the same thing in purple.'

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

'HA, HA! See the way arrows are deflected off my brand new breastplate?'

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

Pony Director

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

"I was assistant to Prince Andrew for six months, then I realised that, no matter how good I was, they were never going to make me Prince Andrew."

"I told you idiots all that chest bumping would get you stuck to each other some day."

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

In-law country

Miss America IQ pageant.

"I'm going to demonstrate how dogs are stealth ninjas in the dark. See how I move silently....."

"She won the spelling bee."

'I'm waiting for the right introduction agency to come along.'

"Tell me sire. How long have you had these delusions of grandeur?"

'Don't they ever go down with their ruddy gondolas?'

Bazooka Jousting

My heart be still, Snookums. Rudy's still insulting everyone in sight? It's beyond that. Not only has my ninja training taken hold with Rudy, but he's taken it to a new level. He's moved his insult frenzy to the internet, using Twitter and Facebook. It's gone absolutely multimedia. I've gone viral! I don't know what it means, either, but it sounds awesome. Be afraid.