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'He gets credit for inventing language, but he was just belching.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Trappist Monk Discord

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

HELLth Food Sprouts

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

The invention of the wheel and the axel.

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

Clone Factory

Trump Tariffs

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Mammoth Posing

"The usual."

"Inactivists"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'