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Goldilocks and the Three Stooges

A swell going riding is told to be careful because the horse is very fresh.

HMS Pinafore

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

A man selling a horse to an older lady

Dante Alighieri

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

"But wait, there's more."

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

Mother Hubbard 2011

Buster Keaton

Thatcher's child

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

Not what he meant.

Ernie's Discount Clinic. Fragile. I didn't see the need to go to medical school. I just give everybody a clock

Phil Silvers: Spot the Difference

"When was this license issued?"

"What a pity! Mr Grogan took it on the lam not more than five minutes ago."

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Beware Of The Gnome - Look dear how quaint.

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

'Could you straighten my little brother out? -- he has the Trinity mixed up with the Three Stooges.'