Price Tag Jokesters Pillows

Hooray, Sid - civilisation at last!'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

Robot porn.

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

'3 pints of lager, 2 gin and tonic, 1 vodka and coke and a replacement liver.'

We'll pass on the entrees...

Junior's switch to electronic chewing tobacco was short-lived.

'What can we do for you?' - 'I need a song removed from my mind.'

"You do realize this may affect my review of you on Yelp?"

'Unfortunately, Rex didn't realize he was about to pee on an electric fence...'