Price Tag Jokesters T-Shirts

Hooray, Sid - civilisation at last!'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

We'll pass on the entrees...

'What can we do for you?' - 'I need a song removed from my mind.'

'Unfortunately, Rex didn't realize he was about to pee on an electric fence...'

Man looking at the cartes de visite of the lawyers in chancery lane