Pressure Philosopher Pillows

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

Critical Ethanol report

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

"You want real pressure?!! Try where I work."

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

"They're the closest I've come to owning a car!"

Fuels paradise.

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'My research cover two fields: the behavior of matter under high pressure, and the behavior of scientists under high pressure.'

Entropy Seminar.

'This is the last time I get a truck with a think tank.'

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

TSA Lines

The oil crisis.

"If you ask me, physics is more art than science."

"Photons have mass, but their rest mass is zero."

"Well, I admire your resilience."

An Alien whose spaceship has tun out of gas is about to meet a human with the same problem.

String Theory

'You are 14st 3lb..But then, you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

"Now, you may feel a little pressure..."

"Latte for a guy you're sure ordered after you."

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"Still, I'd rather be here than at the office."

"Who's next?"