Prescription Punster Pillows

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

Feel better and Feel less medicine.

'You have a lovely neck, Miss Jones. I'm going to prescribe some anticoagulant fot it.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"I realize your prescription bottle says 'Keep Tightly Closed', but you still need to take the medication!"

'This drug is free of side effects, except for the initial shock when you hear the price.'

"My prescription was for Dramamine, not drama queen!"

"The main active ingredients is marketing."

"This costs $35 with side effects or, if you prefer, $127 without side effects."

Caution: Do not try and make sense of our medical warnings whilst operating heavy machinery.

"I've renewed your prescription as the medication doesn't seem to be causing any side effects."

"Before I prescribe something I need to know your symptoms, not what side effects you want."

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

'Water! Water!'

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'

'The side effect is, you don't care what it costs.'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

'Once a year. . .forever.'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Rip Van Winkle told by pharmacist that his sleeping pill prescription has expired.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Sweep the board.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'