Prescription Decipherer Pillows

Pharmacist wanted. Must be able to open child-proof bottle caps & read doctor's prescriptions.

'This prescription looks as though the doctor wrote it in Greek.'

'I'll be glad when we switch to electronic prescriptions. Then, I will discard my chicken scratchings-to-drug formulary translation handbook.'

"What you need is a prescription. I'm giving you some...."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

'Okay. Now. Insert Part K into slot G...'

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Maze of legalities.

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

Europe and TTIP

"We raised the price but lowered the down payment... so it kind of evens out."

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

"Of course it's hard to understand. They wouldn't be billing 'codes' , if they were easy to decipher."

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

Descartes School of Philosophy.

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'

Pharmacist, prescriptions - "It's a forgery, I can read it."

Dept of statistics: 'vital...nonessential'.

'Connect insert A, B, and C into slots D, E, and F. Tighten using assembly tool G. What in the H are they talking about?'

'Apparently some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but some of the other additives cure it.'

The good news is they'll probably name it after me!

"Yeah, it's not cheap. But Big Pharma's depending on you."

'I love the message, but the art leaves me cold blooded!'