Preparing For University T-Shirts

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

Yes, I agree that man is a master of his own destiny but sometimes it helps if you pass algebra.

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Good Luck with your finals.

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

I do want you to have a role in the group,but I wasn't thinking of 'the bloke who sits at the back eating biscuits and having a bit of a nap'.

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

End of Affirmative Action

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"When I go to college, I'm focusing on a STEM area of study!"

The timing doesn't work for eco-club to start a garden. I have a better idea. Build a compost bin. You can recycle the school's leaves and grass clippings. You'll have good soil for a garden next spring. That's not enough time for college admissions essays. Write about the trauma of delayed gratification. Never heard of it.

"So what happened between you and Estella?"

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

Study more to pass more tests.

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Geek in indignation at fellow geek's T-shirt which says: 'I'm with someone who can only recite pi to 100 decimal places.'

Contest to enter the University

Exam Room.

Hey, Twig! Ryan Beardsley wants your cell phone number! The divine wonder of West Fester High? Finally! My life changes for the better. He needs activities for his college apps and wants to come to our shortest eco-club cleanup. Change you can believe in. West Fester High School.

Universidad

Gretchen encounters the mother of all SAT questions.

'I'm going to the library to study, so don't wait up.'

Night Owl