Preparing For Marriage Pillows

'Call me an old-fashioned romantic but will you be co-signatory on a pre-nuptial agreement darling?'

I'll definitely be wanting a pre-nup!

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

The Happiest Hen in Acle

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"I met my first husband at Bloomingdale's and my second husband at Banana Republic."

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"Take your time. Do you see the person who made you wear that dress?"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

'You must have one arm shorter than the other.'

'Do you Joan, promise to love, cherish and make sure John takes his cholesterol lowering medication every day?'

"She signed a prenup promising not to eat me and then ate the lawyer."

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'Of course I want a fairy tale wedding. What did you expect?'

Suzies days as a flower girl were numbered.