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'My agent told me to bring some arm candy.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Packaging Russian Dolls

Victor Hugo

Thomas Mann.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Television Readers.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

Iris Murdoch

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'It'll never work. I'm reading 'Of Mice And men' and you haven't even gotten through 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie,.'

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

My Literary Influences

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Star Wars Audience

Filling the Missile Gap

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Editor.

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

'Is this your first book launch?'

Voltaire

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

Theodore Dreiser.