Predictable Plot Enjoyer T-Shirts

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

Subway Thrillers

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

'Oh man, every time.'

"I don't mind car chases as long as they're car chases about something."

10 commandments

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

"Better than Chekhov"

Writer's Block Next 10 Miles

'I like the plot, but are all those nude scenes really necessary?'

'Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.'

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

"We need a plot twist."

He Didn't Know How To Appreciate Nature

"It's a novel about loss, and redemption, and fantastic sex."

"This gentleman would like a refund. He claims the plot broke down halfway through!"

Ghost Porn

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

Mid-list Author Magazine

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

"These things work better if you don't explain the plot."

'I like the lust,greed and sex - it's just the integrity that bothers me.'

'Well, he gave me treats, patted me, played with me: How was I supposed to know he was a burglar?'