Pre-dawn Shopping Strategists Pillows

'Why not just serve Thanksgiving dinner in the shoe department next year and be done with it??'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'I've got it written down...'

Expensive greeting cards.

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

'But what do you sell?'

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

"What time does the Black Friday parade begin?"

"I'm off to the sales!"

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

"Maybe I'll just put these cookies back."

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

'They say gemstones have properties for relieving stress. . . once you get past the stress of paying for them.'

Well, look who's here.

"Your shopping carts really should be getting mileage. This one is costing me about $30 per aisle!"