Pragmatic Philosopher Pillows

'You're right when you say that there are bigger things in life than money - my bills, for instance.'

"Money makes the world go 'round, huh?"

"It's a troubling ethical dilemma."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Drive-thru Church

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Put it in writing!

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"OK, let's go to contract."

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

"Do you have anything that declares my undying love, but with a six month get out clause if it doesn't work out!"

"Kids and grand kids squared away forever ago. All set with money. No energy for a whole court thing. So-o-o... maybe you just die?" "Whatever makes you happy, sweet cheeks."

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

Philosophy - who said it has no practical uses

Great Expectations - Managing Expectations

"Make the world a better place. If not that, then make lots of money so we can stay above it all."

STRIP Hambone: Stolen laptops

The Pee and Pray - for today's busy Christian.

As Dumb as Dirt?

"Rememeber Son, money can't buy happiness, but it pays for a lot of anti-depressants"

"What this place needs is a hydro-electric dam" "A glass of water would be nice"

Business man at desk, "My family? Hell no, those are my clients"

"Your present state is caused by a hypersensitivity to existentialist thought. I'm recommending mega-doses of pragmatism as a therapeutic counteractive."

'It happens.'

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Peter Hitchens always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

"Always remain honest. Failing that, always remain solvent so you can afford a good lawyer."