Pragmatic Pet Owner T-Shirts

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Lemme know when you’re ready to howl at it."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"And where have you previously moused?"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

Haute Suture

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

'Super Dog'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

Cat with Nine Still Lives

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

No littering...

Man says to Doctor Dog: 'Heal.'