Powerpoint Challenger Pillows

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

'Fine presentation, Matthews, but, lose the wiggle dance.'

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

"Put down your cell phone and check your job!"

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

Motivational tip #731: Appeal to their sense of entitlement.

"Between you and me he's not the easiest man in the world to work for."

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

'Nice presentation, but lighten up on the self-deprecating humor.'

Motivational Business Course: Charm, Repetition, Acronyms, Pie Charts.

"Now go out there and give not just a good powerpoint presentation, but a great powerpoint presentation!!"

"Sorry, Roger. The old laser pointer seems to be acting up again!"

'By the way, no one has ever beaten me and lived to tell about it.'

'Franklin, you need to put more life into your presentations.'

"Now let's walk through slide 67...'50 ways to make your presentation more exciting'."

Corporate urban legends

In case of computer breakdown break glass

'To sum up, today's business world can be divided into 2 categories: companies that get it, and companies that don't!' 'Get what?' 'Make that 3 categories.'

The Last Powerpoint

'What a great web-inar presentation! How about an encore?'

'You don't appreciate anything I do...like this PowerPoint presentation listing all the things I do that you don't appreciate.'

"Great PowerPoint, Kevin, but the answer is no."