Powerpoint Sufferer Pillows

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

I'm not sure they understood what I was getting at. Yeah, they all looked confused, didn't they?

'And in conclusion.'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'Well done! This works much better.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"I am totally ready for this presentation."

'Fine presentation, Matthews, but, lose the wiggle dance.'

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

"And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about."

Motivational tip #731: Appeal to their sense of entitlement.

"This part we still need to iron out."

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

"Between you and me he's not the easiest man in the world to work for."

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

'My pitch was going great until I let my guard down and somebody managed to squeeze a word in edgewise!'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

Motivational Business Course: Charm, Repetition, Acronyms, Pie Charts.