Powerpoint Powerhouse Pillows

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'Well done! This works much better.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

'Fine presentation, Matthews, but, lose the wiggle dance.'

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

"And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about."

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"This part we still need to iron out."

Motivational tip #731: Appeal to their sense of entitlement.

"Between you and me he's not the easiest man in the world to work for."

'My pitch was going great until I let my guard down and somebody managed to squeeze a word in edgewise!'

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

'Nice presentation, but lighten up on the self-deprecating humor.'

Motivational Business Course: Charm, Repetition, Acronyms, Pie Charts.

"Now go out there and give not just a good powerpoint presentation, but a great powerpoint presentation!!"

"Sorry, Roger. The old laser pointer seems to be acting up again!"

'Franklin, you need to put more life into your presentations.'

"Now let's walk through slide 67...'50 ways to make your presentation more exciting'."

Corporate urban legends

"They're considering order-fulfillment as a new Olympic sport."

"I made impossibly long PowerPoint presentations. You?"