Pound Pundit Pillows

Pound sign about to be crushed by a 1 Ton Trade weight

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

'It Kicked!' - 'Punt, Drop or Tad?'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

"I wouldn't mind, but I only topped the bloomin' thing up last week!"

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"As a cost-cutting measure, for our fall list we have decided to bypass traditional bookstore sales and subsequent remaindering, and instead go directly to the shredder."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

Mismanagement Consultant.

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

'We lost your case, but the PR was a success. Three publishers are bidding on your story, and 30 PTAs are petitioning to have the book banned.'

'My first drink since my accident.'

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."

'You drink like a fish.'

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

Literary Dogs.

"If memory serves, the alternative to being a McGovern-nik was being a Nixon-nik."

'It's second-rate writing but luckily there's thousands of second-rate readers. . .'

'With the threat of ABS's competing for Council work is going to get even harder...'

'McWit, your poetic license expired years ago.'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

'Ok cup cake looks like its time to meet your maker.'