Post-pandemic Dining Pillows

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'A cheeky red?'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Today's special... donuts.

"Rump roast?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Benihana style of cooking.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"