Post-pandemic Dining Gifts

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'A cheeky red?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"Rump roast?"

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Today's special... donuts.

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Benihana style of cooking.

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"