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Pursuits of the Modern Aristocracy

"This will be hilarious!"

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Where’s your sense of Gothic romance?"

She loved the sound her gown made when she ran

"It makes a statement, but it begs a question."

Sporting snobs talk about hunting on turnpike roads

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

'I AM a cowboy so therefore they ARE cowboy boots, OK?'

Sticking out tongue

'I told you to sip it!'

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

Alcoholidays.

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

"That one is non-wash. Also no ironing is required."

"You said 'give me a cool hairstyle...' You never specified which decade."

Car driving towards a sign that reads "You are now entering The Holidays - No exits"

Pirate with peg legs on walkers.

"I wonder if I'd still have a paper route if I hadn't been born in the land of opportunity?"

Are you wearing your hair down for good? Not sure. I'm weighing the response. What a haystack. So unfortunate. It's a split decision.

'He's teaching me map skills, such as how to fold it.'

Nautical Antiques: We Catch Your Drift

'I want nice man-bag.'

"It's the best bag I've ever had, I can get everything in it."

'You got haberdashed!'

"Does flannel go with camo?"

'Wow, dude. You're really old school!'

'There goes Claudius in his all-terrain-vehicle.'

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"I love these Antiquing Weekends."

"Great stupid haircut!"

'I don't have it in your size. Is that a problem?'

'You said you wanted a style that shows your personality so I just listened to you talk while I worked on your hair...'

'Martha, it's me...Please send out the kids to look for me.'

"High? This place is off he goddam charts."