Portfolio Tinker T-Shirts

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Thinking Gears

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Drool Marks

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

'Roger's busy making a cat-flap in the kitchen.'

Sistine Selfie

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'Your report card grades are poor. Maybe you should stop building model airplanes. The glue is getting to you.'

'The New... New, Swiss Army Knife.'

Jars containing a Brain and a Brain Fart.

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

Technology and literature

"All my gadgets are old. I'd like some new gadgets."

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

Have you seen my money?

"Why run the maze when you don't have to?"

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

Uranium, heavy water? Where on the web did you say you got the plans for this birdhouse?

Our Computer is Up/Down.

'Those? Oh, they're nothing serious, they're just rumor trembles.'

D.I.Y SUCKS!

"When you think of it, all you really need is one 3D printer to start manufacturing them yourself!"

December 17, 1903: We miraculously devise a craft that can transport human beings though the sky. December 18, 1903: We figure out how to use said craft to kill people.

First Little Piggy Investment Associates