Pop Music Gifts

Kylie Minogue.

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

The Who

'Fancy coming back to my room to have a look at my collection of 78's ?'

Keith Richards

"Have they started yet or is it my Tinnitus?"

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

"Ye gods! Not another tedious and derivative top ten single!"

Madonna

"I hear we went platinum."

Buddy Holly

"Hey! Your phone isn't turned on."

'CD's: Manufactured pop groups as seen on tv!'

'I don't know if I like him listening to that pop music.'

'Rip-off Pop Records' office with 'In the charts' and 'Out-takes to recycle' trays.

'I see you've got a new single coming out.'

Band Aid-style rock stars wear T-shirts that read : 'Feed my ego'.

'Last week we paid £400 for a box at Convent Garden to see 'Il Barbiere Di Siviglia' and I spent the entire evening dreaming of 'Take That''.

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

Malfunction at the boy-band factory.

Tina Turner

Whitney Houston

"Taylor Swift tickets? Be reasonable."

Band called ALL SORTS REALLY: 'This way, whenever someone is asked what music they like, we get a free plug.'

Band aid

'...Let's write a song all about the evils of material wealth. After all, that last one netted us a bloody fortune!'

Pop Quiz: 'Which came first, Tizer or Tango?'

Noddy Holder

Dad's CD: THE CLASH. Daugher's CD: WESTLIFE. She says: 'That's not music, it's just noise. Why don't you play something with a tune?'

Older and wiser

The Australian Beatles tribute band: John, Paul, George and Dingo.

'Who's Phil Collins?'

Justin Bieber

It's a Four Seasons sleeping bag.

"It's that bloody lighthouse family."