Ponderous Philosopher T-Shirts

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Chiller Theatre

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"Is this who I am?"

"I cross the road to forget."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Non Thought For The Day.

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'Dad, what is peace?'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Don’t think of that tennis ball as lost. Think of it as finally free."

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

Lost and Profound.

How did life begin? Image shows a strand of dna in the form of a question mark (with a single cell as the dot, floating in water or primeval soup). The image also refers to life beyond the earth, with the cell-like blobs resembling galaxies in outer space