Polyglot Wizard T-Shirts

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

Natural Disasters

Instructional guide to scribbling

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Victims of out-sorcery."

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

Orator translates in many languages.

'Charles is a linguist. He speaks three language...golf, baseball and football.'

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

"Oh well, I'm off the see the orthopedist."

'Your resume looks good. Let me hear some of your incantations.'

Dog Walker

"Okay brother Bickle, you can keep your underpants on"

"Right! It's a heart op, neurosurgery and counselling. And I'll have the Wiz"

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Why don't we try a renegotiated buyout offer before we go with the Plague of Rabid Bats thing.'

'I can say 'no' in five different languages: English, Spanish, German, Russian and Karate.'

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

"Wait. Let me have one more try."

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

'The great thing about string theory is that it ties up quite a few loose ends.'

'What's the situation about new wands these days?' - 'You can't beat 'compare wands.com.'

"The magic's still there, but the sex is terrible."

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

'Hmm, wrong bottle. I guess THIS one must've been the Elixir of Death...'

"I see the Wizard gave you a brain. That may make you over qualified to work here."