Polyester Paradox Lover T-Shirts

"Eighty percent polyester."

"The weatherman said dress for the mid 70's. Bob was elated." "Much. Too. Sexy."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

The Meaning of Life

Hanley Fabric Co., Polly-Esther

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

Palindrome school.

'Applicant wacked out, suggest immediate promotion.'

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

Grenadiers

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

Right Against Right.

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

Zeno Gives Directions

'Oh, yeah! I've forgotten more about aniomic polymerization in molecular adsorbates...than you'll ever know.'

Moses with the Ten Commandments on a Ski Lift

'Say that again and you're a dead man!'

"It's just a coincidence that our favorite game requires the least amount of friends."

'The doctor told me to get away for a while..Where I live, in the country, it's just too quiet for me, so I've come here for a vacation.'

The City that Never Sleeps.

Fastest slowest animal

"What's the opposite of stressed?"

'Making these snacks low-fat was great because substituting sweetener for fat made them even more addictive.'

Smoking in the Paradise.

'National Public Television now presents 'Monday Night Chess'!'

"Really, you're afraid of needles?"

'I'm afraid you're a hypochondriac Mr Jenkins... but luckily we have a pill for that!'

Interpreting butterflies.

"We've come a long way since the me-and-now society."