Politico Comedy Lover Gifts

Goodbye Republican Self Delusion, Hello Democratic Self Delusion

The Berlin Peace Movement

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

The Dangers of Corporate Personhood

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'Poor Americans...If this includes intellectual torture, they'll have to cancel 70 of their Hollywood productions...' (Caption may be modified.)

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Comments. Complaints. Constitutional Amendments.

"The president says it's a weather balloon."

"So we have met before..."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Patrick Hendy Rodham Clinton

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

Day 1: The Launch. . . Starting Day 2: Another Government Bailout.

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

"I didn't know you could get a PhD in Spin."

'Sheesh... I wish the government would handle the finance reform a bit more discreetly...'

'I'm resigning -- so voters won't get the satisfaction of kicking me out of office!'

'I believe in you, Jeffrey, and I believe in Al Gore.'

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

'Ask NOT what your country can do you...but what gender neutral policy initiatives can be put up for discussion and negotiation within a framework of ZERO fiscal resource allocation...'

Arnold Schwarzenneger caricature.

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

"Let's give him a few minutes to grieve. His idea of taxing the air taxpayers breath was rejected."

"I don't think we can take 10,000 lakes as collateral."

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'We'd like you to develop a truth drug. One that makes other people think that we're telling the truth.'

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

'I can't put my money where my mouth is -- I've already put it where my Congressman's mouth is.'