Politeness Ponderer T-Shirts

Two Englishmen Who Were Never Formally Introduced.

Midwest Nice . . . Truth

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Have you been playing dice?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

'If you're omnipresent, why do I always have to climb way up here?'

"I think it's wrong to hunt them when they're in a house of worship."

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

If a dog barks in the forest, and no one hears him, does he make a sound?

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

Ivan Turgenev