Policyholder Comedy Pillows

"Insurance company kept their side of the bargain."

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

"Honey, my boss moved me upstairs – way upstairs!"

'I just had the greatest idea! -- Let's deregulate ourselves!'

"Mrs. Oliphant, what is the company policy on our company policy?"

Trump's firings

"Russia is run by rich oligarchs. America is run by rich insurance companies."

"He can't tell his left from his right."

The Big Nothing

BYOD issues were an even bigger problem in the 1950s.

"I have good news if you have insurance. Bad news, if you don't."

Now THAT was a speech with something for everybody!

Gary Johnson

The Slumber Party.

"I'm not a rule breaker, but the no eye blinking is going to be a tough one."

'Wait a minute! How do I know this won't add to the budget deficit?'

Saturn wearing a NRA hat and eating his own child

2019 Debate: "I'd like to begin by calling my opponent a babbling idiot!"

And the pig stood up and slowly walked away...

'Once more unto the breach...'

'You've got to do something about your chocolate addition.'

"Even in the virtual world I haven't made partner."

"The gravy train at platform 2 will be calling at all stations to Westminster."

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

Bolton Muzzled

The World According To Chump45

'Stay away from Birkmayer. He's developed a dumbing down spray.'

"Can a ten year old really declare his room a self-proclaimed state?"

"We have a new policy document on 'Christmas Cards' to ensure that we don't send or display ay that may offend or alienate clients or staff with different belief systems..."

"You look great for someone who's just come through two years of litigation."