Poli-sci Buff Gifts

"So, they stole everything you had and ran off. One was a donkey, the other a large pachyderm. Typical, we see this all the time."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

At the Museum

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Albert Einstein

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

Apples for sale

'So...you THINK you have what it takes to be a scientist...?'

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'Some of those youngsters have come up with a terrific new idea - feathers.'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

'Take it from me and come back. The future is definitely on land.'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

Fusion Lab. Did you tell the boss we need more hydrogen? Yes, I told him we were out of our element.

God Sneezes Out Creation

On a hot day in 1941, scientists uncovered the only known remains of the elusive nerdosaurus rex,

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

CIA report

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

Archimedes, Galileo, Copernicus

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

You must be this tall.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

"What's a nine-letter word for biotechnology?"

"I'm an evolution denier. There's no way those people come from us."

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press