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"People are always discriminating against my dad. At work, people say, 'clean up that spill' and 'get under the sink.'"

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

' ... and this is the half bath.'

The household cavalry

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

'No it's still not fixed'

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

OH NO - Here come the wet-wipes..!!!

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

Clean air.

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

'My phone's been tapped!'

Grim Reaper walks through an urban environment wearing a gas mask.

"At least they all fell down at once. . ."

Our house is a mess! Life's messy, I need to simplify. You don't have the nerve to do what needs to be done. We left our laundry on the sofa for you, mom! You're so wrong. I can too get rid of my kids. You'll save tons on cleaning supplies alone!

Human Dust Buster

'Why is it I can see what needs doing around here and you can't? . . . I know what cures that. . . 'Chores-ercise'.'

4 Great Life Hacks for the Holidays!

"Larry's taking a victory lap around the crab grass before putting the mower away for the winter."

"I'm afraid your bath is directly connected to the melting polar ice caps."

"Excuse me Mr. Plumber, my son just called, please be careful not to disturb his genetically altered aquatic scorpion colony."

'Here's the problem,the pilot light went out.'

'I've been having a lot of out of potty experiences, lately.'

'My client is therefore NOT guilty of malpractice. All he is guilty of is an error in judgment. He should have decided to be a plumber."

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

'These guys are going to take us kicking and screaming to hell with them!'

'Don't blame me, I told you to pick your feet up.'

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

Hey! I just vacuumed there!! Sisyphus at home.

'You say it's milk, oh, oh, I must have hooked up the wrong pipes.'