Plotting Enthusiast T-Shirts

Rudy says you've asked him to go shopping with you tomorrow. That's right. To be clear, we're talking about Rudy, my nephew, who you profess to dislike with a passion. Profess? Are you suggesting I actually like him? You miserable coot, I'm not merely professing, I genuinely think he's a first-rate materialistic jerk. You're up to something. It's delicious. Stay tuned.

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

Deadline

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

"I don't mind car chases as long as they're car chases about something."

'I've got'em right where I want'em.'

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

10 commandments

"We thought we could put in the details later."

"My schedule is just nuts."

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

"Someone's screwed up. . . there's apiece of road here no-one's working on!"

"We need a plot twist."

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

He Didn't Know How To Appreciate Nature

"It's a novel about loss, and redemption, and fantastic sex."

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

Robot Bombs: A One Time Thing, Right?

Mid-list Author Magazine

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

"We seem to be going round in circles."

Ghost Porn

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

"We need to spice up the company blog to get more views. . . We'll need you to have a torrid affair with Mrs Widlington."

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

'I like the lust,greed and sex - it's just the integrity that bothers me.'

'We find the defendant guilty, but feel his alibi would make a good premise for a John Grisham book.'

'I need five weekly lesson plan books. Not only do I tend to overplan, but I feel more comfortable with contingency plans.'

I'm not avoiding you!

Planning dept.

'We projected every contingency except for our plan actually working.'

"Planning, when do I have time for that, I don't even have time to get dressed in the morning!"