Plotline Critic Gifts

"It's a sort of 'popular-attractive-kid-from-well-to-do-stable-family-succeeds-against-all-odds' story."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"Agenda item 14 C, does anyone have any idea what happened in Game of Thrones?"

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

10 commandments

'I suspect the cow jumping over the moon is an illusion or swamp gas.'

"I don't mind car chases as long as they're car chases about something."

"I didn't think much of the plot, but I like the product placement."

"We need a plot twist."

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

Soap Opera

Writer's Block Next 10 Miles

'I like the plot, but are all those nude scenes really necessary?'

Johnny Depp

He Didn't Know How To Appreciate Nature

"It's a novel about loss, and redemption, and fantastic sex."

Down with canned laughter.

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

Ghost Porn

"This gentleman would like a refund. He claims the plot broke down halfway through!"

"What can I get you?" "An explanation for that dumb reason why Batman and Superman stopped fighting at the end of Batman v Superman." "Would you like that spoiler-filled or spoiler-free?" "Spoiler-filled would be lovely, please." "Ok. Batman did not stop fighting Superman just because both of their moms were named 'Martha.'" "'Martha' was not just a person. In Batman’s nightmares, 'Martha' had come to represent all that was good about him." "When Superman whispered 'Martha,' it did t

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

Mid-list Author Magazine

"Did you research and verify before posting this?"

"He was okay with the spell check but he gets mad when it starts to correct the arc of his narrative development!"

'I like the lust,greed and sex - it's just the integrity that bothers me.'