Playful Performer Gifts

Pole dancing

Helium Guitar Festival

'I play an evolving character, In the second act, I'm a piece of pie,'

Centaur had spots painted on him so he can play a cow.

'You only want to do it now when people are watching.'

Pogo Cellist

"Bruh, that is some SERIOUS kazoo."

"More helium."

'Let's get some play-doh and make happy masks.'

'Freddy Kameahmeah, uncrowned king of Hula dancers. His hoop hasn't seen the ground in six months.'

'It's okay, there's a trampoline under the snow.'

Christmas Belle!

Naked Hamlet

Policeman

Sailor boy

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"We're following Carrot Top."

Anna Calvi

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

George Michael

Cow Show Tunes

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"