Playful Patriarch Pillows

'He looks exactly like his father!'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

'She's just great with the children.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Werewolves of London..."

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

Circus Act

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Wheeeeeeee!"

Hot cross buns

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"Hell, Mom! How's it look?!" "Holy mackerel."

See that leg? He's dreaming of chasing rabbits.