Playful Patriarch Pillows

'He looks exactly like his father!'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'She's just great with the children.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Werewolves of London..."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

Circus Act

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Wheeeeeeee!"

Hot cross buns

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"Hell, Mom! How's it look?!" "Holy mackerel."

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

See that leg? He's dreaming of chasing rabbits.