Playbook Planner Gifts

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Yeah. But what if the linebacker doesn't buy the fake."

Which will open up a lane to hit my ex-wife's lawyer in section seven, row two, seat fine.

'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'

'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'

'Hold everything. The coach is texting in a new play...'

'Another meeting?'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

Praying for a goal assist.

College Football Player Cheat Sheet

A Puppet Named Juan

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"I still plan to be a cowboy when I grow up. If I'm going to service my share of the national debt, I might as well have fun doing it."

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"If you have any gossip, tell me now - she could come back ay second."

Cindy's imaginary friend has the day off so the agency send over a temp to fill in.

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

'You can't blame the kids for being restless when we have math teachers teaching French, and English teachers teaching science.'

What did I tell you two about somersaults?

'This is going really well. I did a great job organizing this lecture.'

Man being fed 'Get up and Go' on a drip.

"This grade doesn't fit into my five-year plan!"

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

Babies

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."

Australian baby with toys hanging from his hat rather than corks

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."