Playbook Expert Gifts

'Okay, who knows how to solve for 'X'?'

Squeezing the Free Press.

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Football team discussions.

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

'Here's a play my backup QB designed. Everyone goes long and I throw to our opponent.'

Fade to black...

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

Footballers - Kevin Keagan

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

Child climbs up alphabet bricks to reach his teddy bear.

Praying for a goal assist.

"Cool game!"

'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,

'...There's this big dude on the other side. Nobody look! But, every time we try anything he comes after me. Now, what's that all about?'

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

"Everest summit 1 km merge left"

'O.K. lads, computer research shows this is the new winning plan to win the match.'

'Quick! Play dead!'

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

NFL's 50 Most Masterful Uses of the Clock

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

Grab your helmet, Jenkins – Coach just called the trick play.

"He's got a photographic memory."

No, I don't think we need to run this play be the legal department first.

'Everyone has a game plan, Sims. Yours, strangely, looks like the Pittsburgh Steelers' offensive.'

"And coach says to hurry it up because we're delaying '60 Minutes.'"

'Son, that's not just your dad's playbook...It's a record of the hugs and kisses he gave you through the years.'

'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'

'I'm all for recycling newspapers, but I don't go for this printing a new paper directly on top of the old one.'

'They're gonna punt. ... Release the special teams.'

'Trick play! Trick play!'

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.