Plate Pundit Pillows

'My fortune says 'You have enjoyed genetically modified rice and you will be hungry for more in an hour.''

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

"Pie chart"

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"We call it 'dish' of the day, but it's actually served on a plank of wood."

"I wouldn't mind, but I only topped the bloomin' thing up last week!"

"Look, Earl. . . It's a young person Republican! They do exist!"

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

Ted enjoyed going to the park and feeding the woodpeckers.

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

Voice of the GOP

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

'You drink like a fish.'

'My first drink since my accident.'

"I hope it's not contagious."

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

'Happy hour was over an hour ago. Wipe that stupid grin off your face!'

"Just between us, I came first, but I shredded the evidence."

Vernon Trunick with the 3 O'Clock Report

Cow sells fresh pies.

'How many potatoes to make a bottle of vodka?.'

"I know I should Fuggedaboutit but I can't."

Chicken Little meets Chicken Medium.

'Correction,Dear- it's OUR newspaper!'

"That's not Earth! I knew you were too proud to use the GPS!"