Plank Shredders Pillows

"Shred the plank."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

New music conference

Eric Clapton.

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

The Affordable Shredder

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Johnny Winter.

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

Tortured Plank

Shredder.

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Houdini's infancy.

'I don't know about you lot but I've just played Proud Mary.'

"I think he's going to be a bus driver - he loves cutting things up."

'We realise that your speciality is heavy metal...'

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

Recycle Station for Confidential Files

Bill Haley

Musical Mestizo.

"The food in your pantry may kill you, details tonight...on Eyewitness News!"

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

He also buried the bitcoin password in the treasure chest.

'Don't be a hero, Dewey! It's a snowboarder - and he's huge! Let's get out of here!!'

Plank

Rock on!

'The sooner you are 'discovered' the better - you're costing your Dad a fortune in electricity!'

'And all these years I just thought you were very proficient.'

Brother Ernest has been riding a skateboard for years and nobody knew!

'I REALLY disapprove of our mandatory retirement plan!'

'Cat Heaven.'

"Having trouble with that paper shredder again, Barry?"

'Yes, this is actually a very bad time to call me...'

Had it not been for Olympic sponsorship, Harold would have won the mens' downhill.