Planet Shopper Gifts

'I'd say this planet is uninhabited.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Nature versus commerce.

But is it organic?

'She's so put together!'

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"Everything's gone up."

"I love finding my food at the Farmers Market. Makes me feel like a true pioneer."

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

'She's on the trail of a pair of Jimmy Choo's.'

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

Fashion Mistake.

'I went to see a personal shopper this afternoon. . . I thought I'd surprise you!'

'Yes, the wood on this pencil is from a renewable source.'

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

Man on Stilts in a Market

The Old Curiosity Shop

'We'll take it. Come along Rex.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"You went to Barneys without me? You slut!"

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

Space: Property of No-One

"I can't believe I spent seven million dollars on tights."

"I have to confess a sin, Preacher. I went premarital shopping."

'And don't forget the eggs dear'

Guilty Pleasures