Plan Skipper T-Shirts

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Rock - see you in a million years!

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

A private jet takes off

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'Now that the clocks have changed you can use that extra hour that you can't spend in the garden decorating the kitchen'

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Sailing

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'

'Then that's one child's plate, one special, and one anything-as-long-as-I-don't-have-to-cook-it.'

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

"I used to have tattoos. They're a lot easier to get than to have removed."

'My folks are away and I have the ship. What do you say we go out and do some crop circles?'

"Didn't I send you out for some fish nets?"

'Could you change the channel? This program even put the bird to sleep.'

"The food was awful, but we got right in."

"I don't have time for breakfast..."

fat woman passed her handbag to husband before getting weighed.

"I'd like to welcome you all to the procrastinators club. I move we defer the reading of the minutes of the last meeting until our next meeting...which has been postponed!"

'You want us to go fishing tomorrow? Wait, I've got to check my appointment book.'

They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but I say it's lunch. If it were the other way around, I'd be dead by now, since I've been sleeping through breakfast for years.